Cross Creek Blogs

You came here stubborn, frightened and unpredictable.  Now you are leaving humble, more aware and confident.

You were ready to leave the minute you came.  Now you’re holding back with all your will not ready for what lies ahead.

You made sure you let everyone know that you were the victim of foul play.  Now you smile with compassion when you see those orange and yellow shirts going off to worksheets.

You came with problems that you were sure no one could understand.  Now you are leaving with tools and understandings that no one can question or deny.

You came here craving and allowing those cravings to control you.  Now you are more powerful than others your age and your cravings are controlled by you.

You came here acting like a child.  Now you are leaving with a magical one.

You came here ugly, ejected and denying.  Now you are leaving beautiful, accepting and loved.

Bust most amazing!  When you came here you were humble, aware, confident, ready to face what lays ahead, smiling with tools and understanding no one can deny, more powerful than others your age, beautiful, accepting, and with a magical child hidden deep down inside you.  You came here with all those wonderful things in you - they were always there.

The only difference is, now you have taken down the walls you built around and you’ve been shown all of them.  They were always in you, we didn’t change you.  You just opened up and saw things through different eyes and an open soul.

SID T.

YOUTH SUPERVISOR

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 7th, 2007 by admin
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An article in the New York Times reported on the results of two studies of divorced families, and the impact of the divorce on the children. A variety of outcomes for children of divorce were outlined, but both agreed on one point: DIVORCE GENERALLY HURTS CHILDREN. Some say that children will eventually return to normal functioning (usually after two years) and yet others state that children suffer from emotional effects well into adulthood. There is one extremely destructive pattern that parents usually engage in during, and after, a divorce, creating much of the damage. It is referred to as TRIANGULATION (This also occurs in dysfunctional marriages).

Triangulation, in its basic form, is when two people include a third person in their problems. In other words, parents engaged in triangulation put their child in a position of choosing, or aligning with, one parent over the other. It is not only a cruel and selfish thing to do, it is also very destruction to the child.

I saved a Dear Abby column some years ago in which Abby shared a statement by Judge Haas of Walker, Minnesota, addressing this very topic. Judge Haas stated, “Your children have come into the world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to who you decided would be the other parent. If so, that is YOUR problem and was YOUR fault.

Not matter what you think of the other party - or what your family thinks of the other party - those children are one half of each of you. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an idiot his father is, or what a fool his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling that child that half of HIM/HER is bad. That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is no love; it is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope you don’t do that to your children. Think more about your children and less of yourselves; and make your’s a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or THEY will suffer.”

While I may not have put it in exactly those terms, I find the judge’s words to be right on the mark. The children do suffer from this. In the Program, we deal with a great deal of the resulting devastation. It is interesting to see how many Program parents coach triangulation stating that they are seeking to “act in their child’s best interests.” Rationalization is the narcotic of our actions. Claiming to act in your child’s best interests, is really only a rationalization used in order to satisfy your own desires, such as taking a “jab” at the other parent, or making sure you appear to be “better than.” We intellectualize our actions and hide behind our excuses.

Here are some ways that triangulation behaviors show up between the residents of the Program, and their parents:

“I can’t attend the Parent Child workshop because your father/mother/significant other will be there.”

“I couldn’t (fill in the blank) because your father/mother didn’t make child support payments or support you financially.”

“I don’t want your father/mother to have any input on the home contract because they will undermine the process.”

“If you would have lived in my home, all this would not have happened.”

“I’m only trying to protect you from getting hurt. That is why I’m telling you this about your father/mother/significant other.”

There are so many more ways that this happens, and each way is destructive. Realistically, some parents may be truthful in reporting their former partner’s unhealthy behaviors, but IT DOES NOT MATTER! It is up to your child to negotiate his/her relationship with you, and the other parent. If the other parent is inconsistent or unhealthy, the child will eventually learn this on their own, through their own work. LET THEM LEARN IT ON THEIR OWN. if you point it out to them, or try to force them to accept it, you are only setting yourself up. You will be the bad guy and your child will feel torn. So what to do? If you have legitimate concerns about the other parent, let your child’s therapist or Family Rep know. If you have concerns serious enough to involve the law, or a professional custody evaluator, then do so, but PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILD OUT OF IT.

If you are using the name of your ex-spouse, or estranged current spouse, with your child, please examine your reasons for doing so. If you are not going to be positive in your report to your child about your partner, then do no say it. Be adult enough to keep it between you and your ex.

At times, you may be asked by your child not to mention the other parent. You may be told something like, “Sounds like something you need to talk to Mom/Dad about; not me.” Please respect these boundaries. These kids do not want to have to choose, nor should they have to. Divorce and marital issues are difficult enough without having to feel torn.

One other way that triangulation often shows up in the Program is evident in a coalition between parents and the Program. We often refer to these as “deals.” Parents may tell their child, “You get to Level 4 and then we will bring you home. Just don’t tell anyone there.” If the idea is to assist the child in creating integrity, peace and honesty in his or her life, there is no quicker way to undermine it. Why would a parent model dishonesty and set this example?

In the Program, we teach that there are three ways to lie: denial, blatant lying, and withholding information. Setting up a “deal” with your child, and asking them to keep it from the Program, would fall under the latter category of “withholding information.” Your children will follow your example, especially when it could provide them with the “path of least resistance” and an easy way out. The messages sent to the child are “you can’t do this so I will make it easy for you” and “it’s okay to be dishonest when you need to be.” Please be conscious of the example you are setting for your children. It is alarming how often this happens, and how hypocritical it is!

Triangles are the most stable, the most common, and the most dysfunctional of all human interactions. Take a look at the ways you might be using triangles to avoid being honest in your dealings with others; by breaking these triangles, you will improve your relationships and demonstrate to your children the importance you place on integrity and communication.

NORMAN E. THIBAULT, MS LMFT

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 7th, 2007 by admin
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First I would like to begin by introducing myself; I am Katrina, a pure, powerful, and simply amazing young woman.

A year and a half ago my future looked more like an ending than a start.  I was  a runaway basically living on the streets, what I didn’t realize was that I was running from myself.  I wasn’t even living for the next day; it was luck to make it to the next hour.  I had lost sight of everything I valued.  I had no self-respect, nothing mattered anymore; except maybe my next fix.  My pain ran so deep that I was seeking any escape possible.

The journey did not begin with Cross Creek, however.  Growing up was hard and happened all to fast.  My mother first got sick when I was eight.  I didn’t understand the concept of living and dying, however, I would soon learn.  I blamed myself for her pain and spent my childhood years taking care of her in hopes of saving her, only to dub myself a failure.  As the years went by my mother became more and more ill.  I began to hate myself for being powerless to it all.  During my seventh grade year, she attempted suicide many times; each time I created more ammunition against myself.  A few weeks prior to my thirteenth birthday, I was taken from my mom and placed in the custody of my father.  My life was turned upside down in a moment and I found an outlet that I could blame for all the pain, my dad.  Here we were, two strangers that needed to make a family from a series of disasters.  Quickly, I was spiraled into depression, drugs and prostitution.  I rejected every had my dad offered to pull me out.  My mom was destined to die before I turned fourteen and to run from the inevitable I attempted suicide myself.  God had a different plan for my life, though it would take three years to see.  I have been to hell and back and the only reason why I’m able to stand here to day is because my dad never gave up on me.  He gave me a LIVE vote, when no one else would.

My time at Cross Creek has consisted of so much learning and growth sometimes I feel like it was all just a movie.  I remember my first few months I would stare myself down in the mirror with hatred.  I hated the fact that I had to face what I had spent years running from, MYSELF.  I believed that I was a hopeless cause; nothing good could come of me.  I held an incredible amount of shame and guilt for all that I had done, though I wouldn’t have admitted it.  It was not until I disclosed my pain and insecurities that I became open to the fact that I don’t know it all and needed help.  It was then that change began.

Slowly I began to regain my passion for life I had lost so many years previous.  I found I was worth it and could achieve success in my life.  Whether it was in school, running, or just simply playing I found I could be as great as I was wiling to commit to.  Once the fog began to fade I saw just how amazing life really was. Not to say that this all happened in a day - it was a long, hard road coming.

Today I can look in the mirror, smile my big goofy smile, hold my head high and declare that I am a Pure, Powerful, and Simply Amazing Young Woman,

We all come from different homes, we all have different stories; what I have come to learn is that the stories aren’t what matter.  What truly matters is why we are all here today: life, love and family.  It’s not about what I’ve done or why were here, it’s about where we are going and who we are going to be.  When I was young I had so many dreams and now I can turn them into reality.  I feel like a kid in a candy store, so many options….To Be Great!  All because I did it, I chose this road for myself.  Today is a day for rejoicing, acknowledgment for everything we have gone through, all the hard work to get to this point.  I am proud to stand here and declare that I am a survivor.  I pray that we will never stop fighting for what we value, and continue to create success - it does not stop here.  It’s not going to easy, we will have to be courageous, be odd in a popularity driven society.  I challenge myself and all of you to embrace who we are, stand against the crowd, and never settle with being like everybody else.  Never forget where you came from or the feeling you hold right now.

KATRINA P.

GRADUATED CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

GUEST SPEAKER DECEMBER 2006

SHE PRESENTED THIS SPEECH TO THE GRADUATING CLASS

Posted on December 4th, 2007 by admin
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I have been chosen to present to you the graduating class of August, 2007. I am 18 years old and have been for 8 months now. I want to express how important it has bee to complete this step of my life and for me to have the experiences I did. I can now say it’s made me a better person. Someone once said “It’s not what happens to our life; it’s how we perceive what happens.” I believe that is one of the truest things ever said.

Many people can go through a program, jump through the hoops, and graduate. It takes a lot of determination and courage to get back up again and face yourself. I believe all of usin this room have had to face something in our life we didn’t want to. For me, and many of the teens it was the life of the partying, drugs, disrespect, and being “cool” and not at all how we thought. It isn’t just a stage. It’s a way of life that could have got many of us hurt, addicted, and even killed. The lifestyle many of us tampered with was one that takes lives forever. Thankfully enough we were saved.

I hope each and every one of us takes what we learned and give it back to the people out there that were not given this opportunity. There are tons of people out there, many of which we know, that need a program but for some reason cannot get the chance to experience it. We have all learned the value of service and I hope we continue to give whenever possible. Something that has helped me to keep going when I want to quit is giving back to others, whether it is going on a service project, playing with the less fortunate kids at day care, or just listening to someone that needs someone, I experience service and humility.

COURTNEY S.

GRADUATED CROSS CREEK MANOR

VALEDICTORIAN AUGUST 2007

Posted on December 4th, 2007 by admin
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Moving on is one of the most important things. To start your program as a resistant, ungrateful, selfish and spoiled child, and move on to a self reliant, respectful, honest, and powerful young adult who handles him or herself with class and style.

I have made that transformation in my journey through the program. I started out by “knowing everything”, and one of the things I “knew” was that my parents hated me. Because of that knowledge, I did not work my program at all for the first six months, and it took me a long time to finally decide I was worth it. I wanted to do things my way by putting myself down because I was ashamed of my past. I would look at upper level girls and see all the insight they had and how much they had accomplished, and though I would never get there. I was destined not to graduate and to be unhappy forever.

I finally made my way through the Focus seminar, which was my moment of seeing my for who I was and being happy. It was a struggle and still is sometimes to believe all the great things about me. As I learned to love myself more, I was able to progress in the program and in my relationships. I started to see that my parents did not hate me, but sacrificed a great deal to give me another chance at life.

This is the first time in my life I have been so close to success and so proud of everything I have done. I wouldn’t be in this place without my past . This is the best place I have ever been. Who could have imagined one day I would have dreams and aspirations, that are now possible?

There is so much I wanted to be and so much I have already become. I no longer look at all the things I used to do and get angry with myself. I now can look at my past with gratefulness, because all that I have done has led me to today - with a great relationship with my family and most importantly a great relationship with myself.

McKenna S.

Currently enrolled

Cross Creek Programs

Posted on December 3rd, 2007 by admin
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I welcome you all to the high school graduating class of July 2007. My name is Brittany Rodriguez and I am a beautiful, powerful, forgiving, and peaceful young woman. These words are a long way from where and how I felt about myself 20 months ago today. I was a prisoner of my own being. Before coming to Cross Creek, I was very unhappy with no purpose of direction in my life, all I did was fall into social peer pressure and antisocial behaviors. I was in the middle of my junior year and I was struggling severally in high school. I had failed my final sophomore semester, and on the edge of not graduating on time with my class of 2007. I was a down hill spiral with my education, and before coming to Cross Creek my education was the last thing on my mind. I was starting to get in trouble with the law. All I was learning from going to high school was how to lie, steal, cheat, and how to take the easy way out in life. This is how I became a prisoner in my own mind. I believed one day I would just wake up and everything would be okay. I know this is the same for many of us. I wanted to graduate high school, but not for the achievement of gaining an education,m to help better myself, or to become a functioning member of society. I only wanted to graduate because I wanted to feel I fit in with my peers. I felt lonely and an outcast in the world, I really assumed nobody cared. Which in turn lead me to believe this. I gave up on my education and my passions for sports. I wanted to be something but the only thing I was becoming was a joke to myself, my family, and my education. I was heading for a slow suicide. Being rebellious, making poor choices, and having no standards is what I thought was happiness. How could I get more attention and shock value? Coming to Cross Creek I discovered something I didn’t know I could have found anywhere else. Belief…belief in myself. I can do anything I put my mind too. I learned to believe in myself and believe in other to help me. The program I came to find has changed my life forever. As I stand before you all, I am a high school graduate going from a 1.2 GPA to a 2.7 GPA and a program graduate. I know have working and loving relationship with myself and my family. I have values and standards I live for myself. I have direction and pursuing college. I stand before you with my new choices I have made to better my life. I’m choosing not to be a prisoner of myself anymore. Our graduating class and myself have a lot to be grateful for. I have family and friends here to support me. I am a believer now. Anything is possible. My final thoughts are to the graduating class of July 2007. We have all done the work. now it’s time to start our new journey. Every day, hour, minute, and second we now have a chance to make a new decision in our life. Everyday we can release ourselves from being our own prisoners. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. You are the person who’ll decide where to go.” Dr. Suess. I believe in myself to do great things. Today we accomplished it, we are the results, actions of the vision or belief. Where ever you go, there you will be. Congratulations grads!! Let the journey begin!

Brittany R.

Graduated Cross Creek Mano

Honor Graduate July 2007

She presented this speech to the graduating class

Posted on December 3rd, 2007 by admin
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Our featured employee is Garth Lasater, CWS. Garth has worked at Cross Creek since the beginning of time it seems - he is one of the dinosaurs of our program having been here over 14 years.

he is a certified social worker within the State of Utah and received his Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Las Vegas, and his Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work from Brigham Young University.

Garth specializes in working with adolescents and their families in addressing chemical dependency, oppositional defiant attitudes and behaviors, depressions and other family issues. He has a wide range of clinical experiences from providing individual family and group therapy to teaching life skills and other educational information pertinent to recovery.

His past experience has included being the outpatient director for the Utah Alcoholism Foundation’s Central Utah Treatment Center where he also worked with alcoholic/drug abusive clients in a sixty-day inpatient program. He also worked for the Division of Family Services with the State of Utah assisting families and adolescents in crisis.

Garth appears on a local radio show “Last Call” with Dan Murphy with students from his groups teaching families about addiction, recovery and relapse prevention plans.

Garth was a recipient of the Special Recognition Eli Lily Welcome Back Award for his primary care with those who are engaged in the struggle with clinical depression.

Garth and his wife are parents of three children, a nineteen year old daughter, and seventeen and fourteen year old sons.

The list of professional attributes is long, but we chose Garth mainly because of his undying commitment to help families. His reputation as a tough therapist has landed him perhaps the most difficult teens to work with. However, his sense of humor and “off-the-wall” comments keep all of us laughing and looking at life from the bright side.

GARTH LASATER, CSW

STAFF MEMBER

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 3rd, 2007 by admin
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The way that “Class and Style” is repeated here at Cross Creek is something we obviously need to hear often. We are in a program for a reason and the way that I was living at home supported the total opposite of “class and style”. Those two words will always remind me of Cross Creek and things that I learned here. Actually I am excited to go out and apply “class and style” outside of the program. I want people to see that not all teens are the stereotype that most people see. I also want my neighbors, friends and family to see that I am not the same person who I was when I left home. I feel I have stronger self- confidence with “class and style”. I feel successful and important. I picture myself walking down the street feeling good about myself. Life used to be all about drugs, sex, disrespect, rudeness, selfishness, and fighting. In reality, I have much more inside of me than that. I care and have feelings. I matter and I am important. “Class and Style” can get me far in life, because it is such a special quality.

I know others will appreciate my attitude and approach to different situations when I can go about it with “class and style”. Comparing the girl I was at home with the girl I am becoming I am really proud and happy with myself. Showing off my new found class and style is something that really excites me. I feel like I can be really successful with all the new things I am learning, and that excitement can carry me a long way. I recognize that it is not going to be easy and there will be times when I just want to give up, but I am planning on just doing what I need to. My therapist talks about the price of failure and the price of success – no matter what I will have to pay for one of them. I need to remember what I really want and stick to that so that I don’t throw all I have learned away. I am a beautiful, honest, pure, and loving child of God. My purpose is to share love with everyone I meet and grow closer to God, and if I live both of these, “Class and Style” will always stay with me. 

Posted on November 27th, 2007 by admin
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How About Taking Short Cuts?
Stacey L
Cross Creek Programs

When I think of short cuts, I think of an easier way of getting somewhere. When I think about a place that is worth going to, I think about something I am not going to regret once there. I think it is a privilege to realize that some times I have to go through a mess in order to get where I want to go, because everyone is struggling to make it. One place I think that is worth going to is home.
The way to go home is all on me. I make this program last as long as I need to, and I am learning to get through struggles such as still wanting to lie and manipulate my way out. I know that Cross Creek is for me about me, because without the tools here I could not become successful. I am learning that taking short cuts is not working at all. I would not learn anything, and there would not be much to be proud of.
Right now I am having a hard time in school, because I thought that the only way to get through school was by cheating. I wanted to go to college for the social life and the joy of being out of school when done. Now I am having to relearn things I should have already known. With my approved attitude about school I have realized that the kind of college life I was thinking of I don’t want anymore; I want to be there because I have earned the privilege by working hard and that I didn’t cheat anyone or myself to get there.
A place worth going to is something I can be proud of. Sometimes the learning comes through such things as a “silent process” where I learn to be by myself without being sad or mopey. This process taught me to be patient and to live with myself. I feel that as I am open to learning, I can also be open to working. There are no short cuts if I want to be successful. And in order for me to be successful at home, I cannot take short cuts in my program.

Posted on November 19th, 2007 by jenis
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Cross Creek – Best Educational Academy

Cross Creek Academy, located in a scenic corner of Southern Utah, offers excellent learning and studying environment to the students. The students can enjoy breathtaking adventure with activities like hiking, biking, golf, skiing and the natural beauty of various national parks nearby. We operate Cross Creek Center for boys and Cross Creek Manor for girls. We provide junior high and high school academic programs for troubled teens which are specifically aimed at behavior modification and educational growth of students in a controlled environment.

Well Supervised Environment

The structured environment in Cross Creek helps maintaining the high standards of education like dress code, strong code of conduct and courses. A sense of responsibility is developed in the students. In this type of environment, appropriate behavior is encouraged, reinforced, and rewarded. Each student has to follow a set daily schedule.

Highly Structured Full Academic Program

The initial few weeks give the students opportunity to build up comprehension, reading, memory, spelling and vocabulary skills. Our innovative and effective education program allows students to maximize the learning process and earning of credits. Students are given full time to become master in one module before moving on to the next.

Sporting Facilities

Keeping in mind the importance of physical activities in education, our best education program structure offers a variety of physical fitness opportunities like volleyball for girls, softball, cross country running, basket ball and others. Students get the chance to participate in the state finals.

Excellent Teaching Staff

Our highly dedicated teaching staff always works toward the improvement of the students futures. Staff members know how to build strong parent-child, parent-teacher and teacher-student relationships. They always motivate and encourage the students to achieving desired goals.

Cross Creek academy is one of the best academies around, which guarantees 100% parent satisfaction by actively taking the responsibility of your child. So, contact us to get your child enrolled with us.

Posted on October 18th, 2007 by admin
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