Cross Creek Blogs

My life started out really well and it seemed like everything was good inside my family. I had a lot of dreams and goals that I wanted when I was younger, but God had a different plan for me. As I got older, I started taking steps on the wrong track and I created self-limiting beliefs about not being good enough. I was twelve years old when I used my first drug. The drug use started with little things and eventually took me on a journey to Cross Creek. It appears that at home, I walked around with a blind-fold on not realizing the destructive path I was taking. While in the program, I have learned that nothing just happens to me, but it is all about the choices I make along the way. I have learned that I am not a gangster and I am not a thug. I am Jimmy McMinn and I am a courageous, lovable, smart and spiritual young man, and my purpose is to live my magical child while striving for excellence. I have to thank my family and God first and then my therapist Mr. Hansen, my family rep Mr. Frank and Mr. Ron for helping me take the blind-fold off. Life has been such a journey so far and I know it has just begun. I can control my journey and where life takes me by the choices I am making and the choices I will make in the future. Life is awesome and it is what you make it. To me, life’s journey is about family, love, Higher Power and doing what I really want to do in my heart without regrets. I am now living my life! I am on a journey, which is not easy, but it pays off.

Posted on January 22nd, 2008 by admin
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  A lot of us tend to sit and wait for things to happen to us, hoping some miracle will come and save us from our current situation or even solve our current problems.  In doing this we miss some of the greatest moments of our lives.  We miss the chance to make unforgettable memories with the people we love and cherish.                In coming to Cross Creek, I have learned that the present is the most important thing to focus on.  What I create now is what will make my future that much brighter and more welcoming.  The past is the past.  I realize that at times I have been walking around dwelling on “coulda, woulda, shoulda” ideas.  By sitting back and letting life pass me by, I have created more regrets and I wind up kicking myself for it later.   Life is valuable.  We all have an opportunity to live our lives to the fullest.  At home I sat around wasting my life away by making excuses like “I can’t”, “I’m not capable” etc.  Now I no longer can sit back and let life just run its course, because I have tasted success here at Cross Creek.  I have learned I am in control of my own destiny and I cannot be satisfied with bare minimum I used to put forth.  If I find myself stuck in some place I don’t want to be in, I have the tools to move off of it and make new choices.  I have learned I don’t have to hit rock bottom in order to pick myself up again.

              I am human and I make mistakes.  This does not make me wrong.  It is all in what I do and how I react after I make mistakes that determines how far I will go.  I sat and wished a lot of my life away before coming to Cross Creek.   Following my dreams and doing the work is not easy, but it is possible!  

Posted on January 8th, 2008 by admin
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On January 28, 2007 I arrived at Cross Creek with anger and sadness.  It was seven months before my 18^th birthday.  I came here because of a lot of family conflicts, low self esteem, and I was in an unhealthy relationship.  From the day I arrived, I was counting the days until my 18^th birthday.  I was mostly just sitting back patiently waiting.   Orientation seminar came by and I barely made it.  Community meetings for Discovery started and they did not go so well.  I chose out of my first Discovery.  I did not want to go up for level 2 and I was getting feedback that I was a ghost and was just sitting back. I hated being here and cried every night for weeks.  I was making things harder for myself by holding onto things at home, such as my boyfriend.  A lot of girls and staff gave me feedback I did not want to hear, and I had a lot of challenges  placed in front of me.    I got really jealous of the girls who graduated Discovery seminar.  That was my initial motivation to get going in the program and start taking advantage of the time I had here.  I decided to work for the next seminar and was supported on level two.  I made it through the seminar, got support for level three and felt very good about what I had achieved.  However, I still had a thought in my head that I was going to leave when I turned 18 years old.  I graduated Focus and that truly was my turning point – not only in the program but also in my life.  I never thought I could feel so amazingly good, and I asked to stay after my 18^th birthday to finish the program.  I didn’t want to let go of the good feeling I had about myself.I am now on level five and it has been almost three months since I  turned 18, and I am still here at Cross Creek.  I am planning on graduating and cannot wait for that day!  I love myself for who I am and I decided to stay here because of the respect I have for my family and myself.  I still have my struggles but I have not given up.  I am striving daily for excellence and for what I want for my life.

Posted on January 8th, 2008 by admin
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If I weren’t worth it I would not be here.  I am worth it in so many ways that I can even imagine and so is everyone else in the world.  I may think that I have no purpose in life and that all things I was doing at home made me somehow unlovable.  My parents thought differently, and they made the tough decision to send me to Cross Creek because they knew (and I knew) I needed help.

For a long time I thought I wasn’t worthy to get the things I have gotten at Cross Creek.  I look back to where I came from and realize how far I have come and I have to remind myself every day that My life is worth living now.  In my opinion, everyone has a purpose in life and a lot of times bad things happen to us we don’t deserve.  However, the main thing to remember is that we are survivors and worth so much more than what other people make us out to be.  It really should not matter what other people think of me, and i should stick up for what I believe no matter what.

I need to work on my self worth every day.  It is not easy but it is worth it in the end when I am peaceful and happy for the person that I am.  It is worth living to reach my dreams, goals and ambitions.  Everything happens for a reason and it is all in how we perceive things.  No matter what happens in my life, I will always be worth it and so is everybody else in this world.

ELIZABETH W.

CURRENTLY ENROLLED

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
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My life began with a mixture of feelings - joy and sadness, warmth and cold, love and hate etc.  I was afraid and hurt at times as a child and I especially remember my dad not being there for me when I was growing up.  I began the slow and painful process of hateful resentment towards him and I felt unloved by him.  I started feeling not valued when I saw other kids playing catch, learning to race bikes and other classic traditions of the father-son experience, and wished with all my heart my Dad would do those same things with me.

Although  my dad did not participate in those activities I learned that love can be expressed in other, less visible ways.  However, my decisions about my Dad got in the way of our relationship and things got worse when I got older.  I got in trouble at school.  I disrespected my Mom and Dad.  I got into fights, and started using drugs and alcohol.  It became more and more difficult to hide my behaviors and my addiction.  I saw my Dad as an obstacle to me using drugs and I could hate him even more.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and I continued to use drugs to cover up the fear I had of my Dad possibly dying.  I wouldn’t talk to him if I was able to avoid it and I told everyone I hated him.  When my Dad decided to bring me to Cross Creek, I didn’t think I would ever forgive him.  I cried a lot and felt pretty lonely at first.  I have had a long journey here, and I have eventually come to realize how much I actually love my Dad and how my addictions had gotten in the way of that.

As I started making some changes, I earned passes with my Dad.  He and I began to love each other’s company, talking about real things and he told me he was proud of me and that he loved me.  We have grown closer as the months have progressed.  I don’t think my Dad had to shift so much - I think the changes I have made has opened the door to a better relationship.   I learned that my Dad shows his love by coming all the way to LaVerkin to see me, or by taking me golfing, or just watching me do things like wake boarding without letting me know he is watching.

On one of my home passes my Dad gave me a hair cut, clipping my hair, sideburns and even helping me shave.  I  never could imagine that we would get that close to do something like that together.  From tears to shears - I am so glad we have worked on our relationship.  I  believe that my Dad can be one of my best supporters when I go home.

NELSON C.

CURRENTLY ENROLLED

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
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This is stupid, I hate you, you don’t know me! Where’ s the party at?  That was me before the program.  I hated everything that was going to make me happy and I didn’t want any one that would interfere with it.  I am Sophia L. from Cross Creek Programs.

I just wanted to start of by saying it’s an amazing privilege to be able to give this speech for the class of 2007.  I know for me, I  thought I would never be here.  I was the same as some of the people here.  I dropped out of school because I felt like I couldn’t do it.  When I was little, I had all these dreams of becoming a nurse, being happy and having my family around.  As I got older my parents didn’t know hoe to protect me from all the outside influences, so all they thought of was to keep me in.  I didn’t like this and my first response was to rebel. I started getting sexually active, started smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, and I was in a crowd of people that would take me in.  This didn’t every stop me from having my dreams though.  I still had dreams of going to college, having a family I loved and being happy.  The downside to my dreams was in my freshman year I started to run away, drop out of school and was active in my addiction.  I was in a relationship with a guy that would hit me and then tell me he loved me;  I kept telling myself this was the best I could have.  He was 5 years older than me and I told myself we would be together forever.  Then one day, my ex-boyfriend and I got in a fight and I went to Roseville, California to see a friend of mine that I had known since I was little.  I was there about two days when I heard a knock on the door, it was the police.

When my parents finally found me two and a half months later, they sent me to an Acheivement Academy.  I remember getting there and thinking my parents were lying and would bring me home, but they didn’t.  It was a program where I basically learned how to cover up all the stuff I was feeling.  It was a lot of mechanics.  I had been clean in the past when “attempting” to get my life back together.  I lied to the camp staff.  I would always get caught in my lies.  Two months into being at this wilderness camp I decided to try being honest about how I felt.  My therapist there wanted to know what I was thinking, so I told her even though my ex-boyfriend was a jerk I still wanted to be with him.  The biggest thing about that was I thought I could never have a better relationship or have anything better in my life.  They decided since I was being honest and was finally doing some work, I could advance in my program.  About half a month later I was ready to graduate.  When I went to the graduation my parents were there and we spent two days out in the wilderness.  One thing I remember them asking me, that was a hug turning point, was if I was ready to come home.  At first I wanted to lie and say yes, I am ready to come home and I will great and all that great stuff.  But I knew I would be lying so I told them no.  I knew at that point I still wanted all the old people and all the old things.

The day of the graduation I went and took a nice shower, then my parents and I went out to the front of the program office.  There were two escorts waiting for me.  On the drive I asked them about where they were taking me.  They said they were taking me to Cross Creek Center.  it was about a six month program that went really easy and I could do it fast and be home.  That was wrong.  When I got to Cross Creek i was in my freshman year for the third time and they told me to just do as much as I could.  At first I didn’t want to do a whole lot of school, but then I made a goal to graduate with all four years done.  There were a lot of people in my group that told me it was impossible and I couldn’t do it but I held on to my dream of going to college.  I kept pushing.  During this time I started to go through the seminars and started to see what I was truly capable of.  I went through Discovery three months after being there and two months later I went through Focus.  It was one of the most amazing experience of my life.  I never thought I could be so beautiful and I could feel so great about myself, inside and out.

After Focus I hit a wall.  There were some things I just wasn’t being honest about and I basically wanted to weren’t that big.  But the truth of the matter was I wasn’t clean in my program.  Ron Garret, the program director, could tell there was something I was not being honest with so he came in and confronted me.  I ended up coming clean with everything that I had been lying about.  I remember talking to my Mom and Dad and thinking that they would be mad at me.  When I talked to them on the phone the only thing my Mom said to me was she was happy I came clean with everything because she didn’t send me to Cross Creek because I was perfect.  It hit me then, I had to do this program for me.  After I got off staff buddy I went to Principles and that was a great experience.  After that I started progressing, it felt a lot better to see how I could do it in a more positive and honest light.  I still had my struggles going on, but it was so great because I don’t think I would be where I am today without all the struggles.  In August I was scheduled to graduate then my mom and therapist, Brian Parker, asked me if I would stay two months to finish my program because I had so many more learning experience for myself.  I never thought I would be here and I have to say for all the people here, we have finished the biggest accomplishment of our lives and now starting a new journey.  It may look very different for us but we all are headed to our dreams!

SOPHIA L.

GRADUATED CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

HONOR GRADUATE

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
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My name is Brett and I am an addict. Before I came to Cross Creek, my whole life revolved around drugs. Drugs are all I thought about, it is how I got through my day, and it is what I lived for. Inside I was miserable. It felt like there was a huge hole inside of me and to fill up that hole, I used drugs. The hole never got filled up - I was addicted.

I believed it was hopeless to try and do something about addiction. My belief was that I was going to use drugs and live like this for the rest of my life. I had no respect for myself or anyone around me, especially my parents. I was tremendously disrespectful to them and even got physical with my dad. I would fee bad and guilty for the way I treated them, but the way I dealt with my guilt and shame was to numb my feelings through drugs and alcohol, that way I didn’t have to feel the weight of my shame I was carrying with me.

My addiction started with marijuana. My famous line was “but it is all natural” so it cannot hurt you. However, using pot lead to other drugs and before coming to Cross Creek I was doing very poorly. When I finally came to Cross Creek, it took me awhile to get adjusted to being here, but I knew I was safe. I knew I needed a place like this to stay alive.

I have confidence now and feel good about myself. I actually have a purpose in my life, and I am close to going home after 16 months in the program. I am actively involved in the NA program, which is helping my sobriety. My parents and I get along and our relationship is working. I have dreams of the future and I have finished requirements for High School graduation while in the program. I also am working in the kitchen paying back some of what my parents have paid to keep me here this long.

I still have bad days and my issues come up, but Cross Creek has taught me how to deal with them.

BRETT H.

CURRENTLY ENROLLED

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
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My name is Madison and I graduated from Cross Creek in June 2007.

Looking back, I see all the amazing accomplishments I have achieved and am now proud to say that I did them myself. I learned the meaning of the saying “you alone can do it , but you cannot do it alone.” Being at Cross Creek has opened my eyes to the world around me I chose to ignore before. All the possibilities that are at my fingertips that seemed impossible and unreal are so reachable. Resistance was a difficult thing to overcome for me. I wasn’t the up-front stubborn kind. I was the quiet, reserved type that fooled everyone around me into believing I was working when I was really sitting in everything I came in with. I thought I had already hit my rock bottom, that things couldn’t get worse that they were before I got sent to the program and I could handle anything that life threw at me on my own. This was one of my biggest challenges…Thinking I could handle things on my own and not asking for help even when it was clear I needed assistance. I “worked” my program fully believing I didn’t have to change anything in myself; that if I changed some of the things on the outside that eventually I would change. It soon became clear this was the farthest thing from reality.

I “had it all together” until out of nowhere everything fell apart. One thing turned into two, then three, four and more. As I watched my program crumble, I still remained in denial that I had things I needed to work on. I created a lie so intricate I became lost in it; I couldn’t tell truth from a lie. I had gone through Orientation, Discovery, Orientation as a buddy, Focus, and Keys but still caught up in thinking that dishonestly wasn’t dishonest unless there was a way someone could know about it. if no one saw or knew, what’s the problem? Integrity was a huge struggle for me throughout my program. For some reason I just couldn’t grasp the concept of it, let alone live in it.

After a series of events, I got switched to another group. This was one of the biggest eye openers I experienced during my stay at Cross Creek. Everything I had known since I had been there had all changed. I had a new group, a new Family Rep., new schedule, standards, requirements, and a new therapist who I had occasionally seen around the facility and hear things about how strict and intense he was. I didn’t think I would be able to get used to this change. I had lost everything. I became the type of person I always avoided and knew the girls in my new group wouldn’t tolerate it. They were strong, determined, and incredibly united. I suppose I saw them as a threat. They were everything I was not. Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone, this was more of a leap. I sat and continued to do the same thing as I did in my old group until I finally understood something that my old Family Rep., used to say repetitively; “When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired; things will change.” This realization was somewhat of a turning point for me. I decided to do a ‘come-clean’ and get everything I had been so loyal and dedicated to protecting off my shoulders. By doing this, I revealed a new side of myself that I didn’t even know I had. Things were easier. I didn’t dread each day wondering if it would be the day I was going to get caught. I didn’t get a sick feeling in my stomach every time an authority figure was in the room. And I didn’t have to live my life in fear anymore.

I began talking with my group and opening up which led to several new friendships. I started working with my new therapist who quickly and effortlessly went from a total stranger to one of the most respected people in my life. My stay at Cross Creek has been one of the most memorable experience I’ve had and I’m sure I ever will have. Theres’ times I look back and wonder why I did some of the things I did, and sometimes wonder why I didn’t do some of the things I wish I had done. But I know see that it’s each of those times that made the stepping stones to where I am today. And without one of them I could have missed an experience, or meeting someone who I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Today, I live each day one day at a time. I know when times get hard its just another opportunity to get through it and further define my character. I’ve learned it’s not what you do, but what you do about it.

It’s all in how I handle it….

MADISON F.

GRADUATED JUNE 2007

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
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My time on earth is very brief,

The things I do become a thief,

They steal from me my time to share,

They take from me my time to care,

Good intentions don’t mean much,

When I use them as a crutch,

I tell my family someday soon,

How many times have they heard that tune,

Someday is now and I must choose,m

To live in the now or I will lose,

The love of those that I hold dear,

The choice for me is very clear,

I will not squander one more minute,

I choose to be here fully present in it.

WENDY N

SON RICHARD N

ENROLLED AT CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 10th, 2007 by admin
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When we made the decision to send our son to Cross Creek little did we know what was in store for us.  Our experiences in Discovery and Focus have been truly life changing.  We would never have though it possible to over come the guilt we experienced when we made the decision to send him.

The tools we learned in the three days of Discovery and the four days of Focus has made an incredible difference in our lives and the lives of our family.  Years of therapy never gave us the tools to make the changes in our lives that these seven short days have made.  We are healing and forgiving ourselves for the things that we did that lead to our family falling apart.

There is a new passion and excitement in our lives and marriage, and now we feel we have the tools to face any problem that comes along if we face it with a positive +5 attitude and a willingness to listen and seek to understand the other person’s point of view.

The road ahead is a rough one and we know there will be times of doubt and backsliding, but if we keep focused on what is important we can overcome and make better working choices.

We have made life long friendships and have learned the importance of having supportive positive people in our lives to hold us accountable.  We learned feedback given with love and honesty is essential to our growth.  That life is fun and exciting and is better shared with friends that love and support our growth and getting out of our comfort zone.

We have learned guilt and blame don’t help us, and that living in the past keeps us from creating a different future.  We have learned to live in the present and be accountable for our choices.  We have learned to love each other and to have fun.

WE HAVE ONE WARNING FOR YOU:  If you want to stay the same, and don’t want the joy and happiness that life has available just waiting for you to claim, if you don’t want healing and forgiveness then don’t go to these seminars.

WENDY AND HANS N.

SON RICHARD N

ENROLLED CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 10th, 2007 by admin
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