Cross Creek Blogs

  Mr. John Poutinen was selected as Employee of the month.  He is a teacher on the girls’ side, and has taught school for over thirty years.  He received his B.S., B.A., and M.A. from the University of Minnesota and taught in Minneapolis for 30 years.  Mr. John is married and has one daughter.  He moved to St. George to retire three years ago, but has found a new home at Cross Creek.  He enjoys assisting, and experiencing the growth of the students. 

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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  I am a girl who’s educated, smart as can be

I can make a difference just by being me

I am so compassionate, I really want to give

I can make a difference by helping others live

I am very creative and kind of funny too

I can make a difference by laughing along with you 

I am understanding, I can hear you out

I can make a difference and not let you pout

I can make a difference by giving to those in need

By giving all I have and not thinking of greed

I can make a difference by doing my best

By giving all I got and nothing less 

I can make a difference by educating others

By teaching what I know, learning from the mothers

I can make a difference by being respectful

By staying thankful and just staying helpful

I can make a difference by bettering all

For seeing things in different ways is my call. 

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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  For me program completion is very important.  During the time I have spent at Cross Creek, I have learned so many things and I have a lot more tools to use in order to be successful when I go home.  However, if I were to leave tomorrow, I don’t think I would have the same kind of success that I am capable of.  I am just not strong enough to go home yet.  I also think that completing the program does something for your self esteem.  Just the satisfaction of knowing that you graduated and you did it all on your own, for you, is a really good feeling.   Whenever I accomplish anything here, whether it is getting an A on a test, graduating a seminar, or even sharing something hard in group, I feel really awesome because I did it and I worked hard for it.  If I were to be pulled early I would never get to experience all of these feelings and all the opportunities that I could have because I will never have another chance quite like this one for the rest of my life.  I would also wonder all the “what ifs”.  What if I would have stayed and graduated?  What else would I have learned?  What other relationships could I have built?I know personally that I want the experience of graduating and doing the work it takes to get there.  I don’t always have that mindset, and there are days I just want to go home, but in the long run I know that it won’t benefit me.  I also have two parents who are very committed to this program and are willing to do whatever it takes to get me home healthy and strong within myself, and they know that means graduating.  My family has been the most loving and supportive people for me through everything I have gone through, and I know they are not going to give up on me. Having my parents go through seminars and work consistently with me shows me how much they love me and want a good life for me.  It also gives me that much more incentive to go home.  Everyday here I get stronger and I know that each day is important in ensuring that I do succeed.  With the help of my family and this program I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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  A lot of taking control of my life started after Focus.  Before Focus seminar I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do, but I was really unsure and I kept letting my ship sink every now and then.  Once I graduated Focus the wheel of the ship was in my hands and I had to decide what I was going to do with it.   I had so many opportunities that opened up to me – it was great.  

I had the opportunity to go to Parent Child I and that was quite the experience.  I really took control of my ship there.  I showed my dad that I was steering in the right direction.   Once I had control over my ship, I went up for level four service status.   That is when my ship started slowly sinking.  I had five no votes my first time I went up.  I worked a little bit with the feedback and went up the next week.  I then had four no votes and a no vote from my therapist.  I felt my ship sinking.  I once again worked on the feedback and went up the next week.  I had a couple of people give me a no vote and I also had a no vote from my family rep this time.  That is when my ship sank pretty low in the water, and at the time I just wanted to let it just keep sinking.   Not getting level four this time really hit me.  I heard myself say the words “I want to give up”,  “I want to quit” and my life got out of control.  I realized my ship was sinking way too fast and I needed to do something about it.  I decided to take a couple of weeks and work with my problems and work with the feedback I had received.   One thing I  that has been helping me a lot, especially in steering my ship, is my support systems such as family and peers in the program.  They are a really good source.  Once I regained control of my ship, I started moving up from there.  It has been a long voyage, but it will all eventually pay off. 

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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  One of the most frustrating stages of having a child in the program is the bargaining stage.  At first denial, then anger, and finally bargaining comes into the picture.  Bargaining  vacillates between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn’t.   Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality.  Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we have achieved acceptance.  “If I just let her drive the car, she would be happier and not use…  If I can accept his druggie friends, then he will stop being abusive to his brother…. If I make her happy by buying her what she wants, then she will stop drinking and partying all the time…  If I buy my son a new car, it will keep him away from drugs and bad influences.”  We do big, small, and in-between things, sometimes-crazy things to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.  When your child was home, it made sense to make deals and hope to get something in return.  However, deals don’t work – they just prolong the learning of accountability and stability.

                 We encourage  parents to stay away from making deals – no matter how sensible they may sound.  You already did that and now your child is in our program.  Not because you made deals, but because that strategy seldom works with out of control teens.  Now it is even more critical that you stay on the driver’s seat  and expect your child to complete what he/she started.  Continue to send your child a message that only through completing the program, he/she may return home.  You will be happy you did.

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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Our journey started on November 11, 2003, which was the day I called and spoke with Irene in admissions and two days later we were on our way to Cross Creek touring the facility and talking with young teen girls that would answer any questions we had.  After our visit we decided that Cross Creek was the place for Nikki.  On November 22, 2003, we took Nikki to Cross Creek, which was to be her home for the next twenty-one months. 

We decided that we would do whatever it took to learn the program through seminars and participate as much as we could. In December of 2003 we were in
Chicago for our Discovery seminar and in February 2004 we did Focus.  Throughout 2004 and through August 2005 we never missed a phone call from Norm or Miss Karla or Miss Jean.  We were very impressed with the progress Nikki made in the program.  In August 2005 we were on our way to PCIII.  We brought Nikki home on August 22, 2005 and she enrolled at Andover
High School, which she left in 2003. Nikki was not “fixed” as some people might think.  Kids don’t get “fixed”.  They learn tools to help them deal with day-to-day life in a way that is “working” verses the “non-working” choices they made in the past.  Parents are taught to LISTEN instead of always talking and trying to fix problems.  Nikki now has the benefit of all she has learned to help her dealt with issues she will probably have for the rest of her life.  Speaking our her life…..she would not be her today if it wasn’t for Cross Creek.  I often told Norm that God sent him to us to help Nikki.  We truly believe that there are no accidents.  Norm taught Nikki to look at life in a different way then she did before.  The program teaches self worth and to value family and the family values.  Is everything perfect?  NO…..nothing in life is perfect.  Is our family life better then it was before Nikki went away?  YES….she is now a full part of our family and has learned to talk about her issues and values what our family stands for. 

We continue to be involved in the program.  Nikki will be staffing an adult Discovery in Chicago in mid February and goes to monthly local support group meetings and has be active in many school activities.  Nikki is a different person today then she was two years ago.  Today she has a solid value system and life contract that guides her actions on a daily basis.  She has lived that contract 110% and has never faltered as of this writing.  We are so proud of her and look forward to her going to college this fall.  She was accepted to Oakland University a couple of weeks ago to further her education in the field of media. We will be forever grateful for Cross Creek and their wonderful staff!

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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I would like to speak directly to my experience of Cross Creek Manor regarding their use of consequences.   

First of all, it has been my experience and I have learned that being truly accountable for your actions, often times requires appropriate consequences.  Knowing what these consequences are, will also help a person when making their choices.  THAT is how the use of consequences is used by Cross Creek Manor.  Every teen there knows what the rules are, what is required of them to learn and grow, what acceptable behavior is and what isn’t, and what it will take to “graduate” the program and live in a healthy, working manner.  While the rules themselves are strict and may seem “over the top” from the outside, when you realize these teens come from an environment where “rules are made to be broken” and “everything is negotiable”, this is the 1^st in the foundation to creating positive change.  When adults jump in and try to manage the situation and/or mitigate the consequence, then the teens have won!  Their manipulative behavior is reinforced.  I have not found ANY of the consequences to be overly harsh or punitive.  And it has been my experience that Cross Creek Manor maintains consistency regarding the use of these consequences.  This is the MOST critical part of any agreement.   

If a child loses privileges, drops in their levels, or even requires transfer to a different facility, it should not come as any surprise to them.  THEY make that choice, no one else.  They learn to be accountable for their behaviors and choices this way.  They would NOT be in this specialized environment if they already led an accountable life.   

It has been my experience that no teen has been transferred from Cross Creek Manor other than to:

• Protect the teen
• Protect the other teens
• Facilitate a more appropriate treatment plan

And it has been my experience that the parents are always involved in the decision.  For any teen to be crying “unfair treatment”, “wrongfully consequenced” or worse yet, “abused” is beyond my comprehension.  I have never known the staff of Cross Creek Manor to be anything other than loving, caring and always looking out for the teens’ best interest!   

My daughter was at Cross Creek Manor for 20 months.  In that time, trust me, she made her share of “non-working” choices and received appropriate consequences that ALL helped make her the wonderful, accountable, honest, respectful young leader she is today!  Thank God for Cross Creek and their ability to offer consistent, appropriate and fair consequences when I was not able to!   

My daughter was there because she was making life choices that would eventually KILL her!  Taking away her privileges seems the least impactful part of this whole process.  She learned to live a clean and sober life by placing limits on her own behavior and being accountable for everything she does.  I believe this program saved my daughter’s life and so does she! 

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
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It is hard to believe it has already been over seven months since I graduated PC III in August 2005. I had my share of struggles and good times while I was in the Program, but I must say that as I look back on it and all that I went through was worth it. My life is 100% better now that I am a graduate of the Program. I am currently attending Pacific Union College in Angwin, California, which is in the Napa Valley area. I am making friends here at college and the relationships I have with my family are so much better now.

Before I came to Cross Creek, I would manipulate my family and people around me to get what I wanted. That behavior was definitely not working in my life. I ended up hurting others and myself. Also, before attending the Program I had been experiencing uncontrolled bipolar cycles, with raging mania and hopeless depression. At Cross Creek I addressed my issue with manipulation and found better ways to treat others. Also I got treatment for my bipolar, which includes medication, so that my moods would be leveled out.

Now I consistently take my medication, and I have not relapsed into manic-depressive cycles. Also I have not used alcohol or drugs since I graduated. My relationships with my parents, Bruce and Cathi, and my sister, Kristen, are much improved, but are by no means perfect. When issues come up, we address them and work through them, and the relationships only get stronger.

College is going very well for me. I currently have a 3.87 cumulative GPA, and this quarter I will be working two jobs on campus. I live in a dorm, and surprisingly the rooms here are smaller than the ones at Cross Creek. I currently work as a janitor in my dorm, and so far have received two raises. The second job is grading papers for one of my teachers and entering grades into the computer system.

I can say that I am happy now! I really love how I see the world with a new perspective and openness. I used to see that the only way was MY WAY, but Cross Creek helped me question whether that was actually working in my life. (Seriously, if it got me to the program, there must have been something flawed with my way!) I have found that keeping myself busy with constructive things and staying focused on what matters in life truly works in my life.

I remember at Cross Creek how I would think of ways to get out of those walls; however, now all I want to do is to be back there with the people who cared enough about me to take a stand for me and encourage me to do something worthwhile with my life. I could have given up or ended up cheating myself by taking my exit plan when things got overwhelming, but that would not have taken me where I wanted to go in life. I graduated not for being perfect, but for choosing to persevere in spite of my falls. And I am so glad I did choose to stay and graduate. College, fun things with good friends, great times with family… these are the results of my choice to work the Program.

The people at Cross Creek, including Mr. Thane, Ms. Caroline, Mr. Ron and Ms. Riitta, and so many others, impacted my life in such a positive way. I am so grateful what all of you did to help me in life. Thank you. I look back on Cross Creek as a memory that becomes fonder as each day passes. I truly believe that working the Program – working life- is definitely worth the effort.

Posted on January 22nd, 2008 by admin
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The following article was written by a parent approximately seven years ago. The same information still applies, and we feel you can benefit from the insight this parent had when his child was in the program. Unfortunately we could not locate the name of the parent, but the article is well worth your time: The program is set up on a point and level system. However, there is nothing magic about being on any level. The magic rests on the shoulders of the entire level process – process being the operative word here. Each level plays a vital part in the Change Process. One cannot exclude any of the six levels or the purpose of the entire process would be defeated. The results are what matter and the completion of the process is essential for change. On level one the students generally operate out of guilt and blame. They will most likely state it’s not their fault and someone else is to blame. They are very resistant to any change. Most of the level one students are very shady and “behind to scenes”. They have no intention on dealing with their issues and are very manipulative. They accomplish little or no work academically and they are into their image big time! Their anger is generally directed toward mom and dad. On level two they begin to pretend they are working. They start to recognize areas that need to be worked on. Generally they are emotionally disconnected and unwilling to deal in reality. They maintain the role of a victim and rack up a significant amount of rule violations.Basically, the objective of levels one and two is to teach the child how to simply comply. Compliance is an important part of the change process. Level three is very different. On this level students are at a compliant level. This means that they have mastered the ability to follow rules in the presence of authority. They do only what is necessary to get by. Time becomes the component that will reveal if the child is being real with itself or merely compliant. If given enough time the child will begin to internalize the values, concepts and expectations of the program. By level three they are clear on the difference between working and non-working choices. The results they create for themselves will determine when they are ready for level four. Level four is frequently referred to as “where the program truly begins”. On level four the students begin working on their leadership skills. Personal integrity, or lack thereof, will manifest itself. The student will be presented with opportunities to operate outside of their comfort zone in areas such as peer leadership roles, taking initiative and self-direction. If, in the midst of the other students they live with, the student is able to stand up for the values he/she has gained, this demonstrates the student is indeed making some significant progress. Keep in mind that making integrity based choices has been a challenge all of these students have faced in their lives. On level five the student has begun to work on the sensitive areas in the relationship with his/her parents. Levels of communication become a very important factor in the change process. Communicating thoughts and feelings without manipulation, guilt or anger is a significant indicator of whether or not the child is internalizing change and is working toward family unity. Level five is unique in focusing on the parent-child relationship.

On level six the child has had time to work with his/her parents. The relationship has had time to stabilize. Thus, level six is the stabilization level. In the program time works just about the same way it does with a soda bottle that has been shaken up for awhile. If you take the top off too soon you get an explosion, yet if you allow it enough time to settle you can enjoy it. Given the nature of human behavior, change does not occur quickly. It is a slow process, but each element of change is critical to lasting change. Time is a necessary factor to the change process. Give them time to complete through level six, for time is the magic ingredient.

Posted on January 22nd, 2008 by admin
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“My purpose is to live my life through joy and inspiration while never backing down”. In these few words my purpose feels powerful yet simple, but when the world gets going around me, it can be easy to let complications and other people stand in my way as distractions and barriers. Staying focused on my purpose involves constant effort and consistent commitment. I am on track to graduate this month, June 2007 after 21 months in the program. This brings feelings of excitement and accomplishment. It has been a long, hard road, and now I have my whole life to look forward to. My purpose reminds me of this and the work I have done to get to this spot. At the same time, I know that I will never arrive. There are choices I must continue to make to produce these results. This is what never backing down means to me. I am sure of my values in life, so I know that I need to stand up for faith, integrity, purity, respect, and family.There will always be tough times in my life. God puts trials in my life to make me stronger. Reality is that it doesn’t help me to only focus on the good times of my past or my future. At this point especially, it is very tempting to focus on the fact that I am finally getting out of the program, and I don’t have to deal with the petty rules and the drama. All that does is detract from using the time that I have left here to my advantage. And really, in life, and when I am living at home as a graduate, I will still be living life with other annoying things coming along day by day, just maybe dressed differently.Change comes constantly, and life is what I make it. Over and over I have learned to keep this in mind and never stray from the basics. When I start to feel scattered, I know that more than likely there is something missing. When I need my purpose the most, it is the easiest time to avoid and start slacking on things like reading my scriptures or saying my contract. Setting my sights on a vision of my purpose helps me stay focused in my life.Joy is a part of my purpose and a positive way to live, let loose, have fun, be creative, and just feel happy. When I let depression get in the way, joy becomes completely clouded. Darkness sweeps over me. Depression is always going to come up in my life, but I have learned that I don’t have to give it my power. Instead of going straight to acting out on my control or perfection, I can let loose as a magical child. Tools I have learned and have come to put into practice, keep me strong.I feel that I have a lot of insight and while working on my faith, I have come to discover that when inspiration truly comes to me, it is based on emotion, not thought. I love to analyze things, but life is not all about being right and figuring things out. Inspiration is incredible, not only as a word but as a feeling, which brings me back to peace and seminars and support and example.My purpose holds me up to my potential and provides me with strength. It has always been inside of me and holds a very special meaning to me. I made a choice to take this purpose on. Living in alignment with my purpose gives me rewards of peace and personal power, knowing that my results are in my hands. This is not only worth it, but I deserve it! I am a courageous, loving, worthwhile and sparkling young woman.

Posted on January 22nd, 2008 by admin
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