Cross Creek Blogs

  One of the most frustrating stages of having a child in the program is the bargaining stage.  At first denial, then anger, and finally bargaining comes into the picture.  Bargaining  vacillates between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn’t.   Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality.  Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we have achieved acceptance.  “If I just let her drive the car, she would be happier and not use…  If I can accept his druggie friends, then he will stop being abusive to his brother…. If I make her happy by buying her what she wants, then she will stop drinking and partying all the time…  If I buy my son a new car, it will keep him away from drugs and bad influences.”  We do big, small, and in-between things, sometimes-crazy things to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.  When your child was home, it made sense to make deals and hope to get something in return.  However, deals don’t work – they just prolong the learning of accountability and stability.

                 We encourage  parents to stay away from making deals – no matter how sensible they may sound.  You already did that and now your child is in our program.  Not because you made deals, but because that strategy seldom works with out of control teens.  Now it is even more critical that you stay on the driver’s seat  and expect your child to complete what he/she started.  Continue to send your child a message that only through completing the program, he/she may return home.  You will be happy you did.

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by admin
Filed under: STAFF