Cross Creek Blogs

My name is Madison and I graduated from Cross Creek in June 2007.

Looking back, I see all the amazing accomplishments I have achieved and am now proud to say that I did them myself. I learned the meaning of the saying “you alone can do it , but you cannot do it alone.” Being at Cross Creek has opened my eyes to the world around me I chose to ignore before. All the possibilities that are at my fingertips that seemed impossible and unreal are so reachable. Resistance was a difficult thing to overcome for me. I wasn’t the up-front stubborn kind. I was the quiet, reserved type that fooled everyone around me into believing I was working when I was really sitting in everything I came in with. I thought I had already hit my rock bottom, that things couldn’t get worse that they were before I got sent to the program and I could handle anything that life threw at me on my own. This was one of my biggest challenges…Thinking I could handle things on my own and not asking for help even when it was clear I needed assistance. I “worked” my program fully believing I didn’t have to change anything in myself; that if I changed some of the things on the outside that eventually I would change. It soon became clear this was the farthest thing from reality.

I “had it all together” until out of nowhere everything fell apart. One thing turned into two, then three, four and more. As I watched my program crumble, I still remained in denial that I had things I needed to work on. I created a lie so intricate I became lost in it; I couldn’t tell truth from a lie. I had gone through Orientation, Discovery, Orientation as a buddy, Focus, and Keys but still caught up in thinking that dishonestly wasn’t dishonest unless there was a way someone could know about it. if no one saw or knew, what’s the problem? Integrity was a huge struggle for me throughout my program. For some reason I just couldn’t grasp the concept of it, let alone live in it.

After a series of events, I got switched to another group. This was one of the biggest eye openers I experienced during my stay at Cross Creek. Everything I had known since I had been there had all changed. I had a new group, a new Family Rep., new schedule, standards, requirements, and a new therapist who I had occasionally seen around the facility and hear things about how strict and intense he was. I didn’t think I would be able to get used to this change. I had lost everything. I became the type of person I always avoided and knew the girls in my new group wouldn’t tolerate it. They were strong, determined, and incredibly united. I suppose I saw them as a threat. They were everything I was not. Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone, this was more of a leap. I sat and continued to do the same thing as I did in my old group until I finally understood something that my old Family Rep., used to say repetitively; “When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired; things will change.” This realization was somewhat of a turning point for me. I decided to do a ‘come-clean’ and get everything I had been so loyal and dedicated to protecting off my shoulders. By doing this, I revealed a new side of myself that I didn’t even know I had. Things were easier. I didn’t dread each day wondering if it would be the day I was going to get caught. I didn’t get a sick feeling in my stomach every time an authority figure was in the room. And I didn’t have to live my life in fear anymore.

I began talking with my group and opening up which led to several new friendships. I started working with my new therapist who quickly and effortlessly went from a total stranger to one of the most respected people in my life. My stay at Cross Creek has been one of the most memorable experience I’ve had and I’m sure I ever will have. Theres’ times I look back and wonder why I did some of the things I did, and sometimes wonder why I didn’t do some of the things I wish I had done. But I know see that it’s each of those times that made the stepping stones to where I am today. And without one of them I could have missed an experience, or meeting someone who I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Today, I live each day one day at a time. I know when times get hard its just another opportunity to get through it and further define my character. I’ve learned it’s not what you do, but what you do about it.

It’s all in how I handle it….

MADISON F.

GRADUATED JUNE 2007

CROSS CREEK PROGRAMS

Posted on December 21st, 2007 by Jeni
Filed under: STUDENTS