Cross Creek Blogs

My life began with a mixture of feelings - joy and sadness, warmth and cold, love and hate etc.  I was afraid and hurt at times as a child and I especially remember my dad not being there for me when I was growing up.  I began the slow and painful process of hateful resentment towards him and I felt unloved by him.  I started feeling not valued when I saw other kids playing catch, learning to race bikes and other classic traditions of the father-son experience, and wished with all my heart my Dad would do those same things with me.

Although  my dad did not participate in those activities I learned that love can be expressed in other, less visible ways.  However, my decisions about my Dad got in the way of our relationship and things got worse when I got older.  I got in trouble at school.  I disrespected my Mom and Dad.  I got into fights, and started using drugs and alcohol.  It became more and more difficult to hide my behaviors and my addiction.  I saw my Dad as an obstacle to me using drugs and I could hate him even more.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and I continued to use drugs to cover up the fear I had of my Dad possibly dying.  I wouldn’t talk to him if I was able to avoid it and I told everyone I hated him.  When my Dad decided to bring me to Cross Creek, I didn’t think I would ever forgive him.  I cried a lot and felt pretty lonely at first.  I have had a long journey here, and I have eventually come to realize how much I actually love my Dad and how my addictions had gotten in the way of that.

As I started making some changes, I earned passes with my Dad.  He and I began to love each other’s company, talking about real things and he told me he was proud of me and that he loved me.  We have grown closer as the months have progressed.  I don’t think my Dad had to shift so much - I think the changes I have made has opened the door to a better relationship.   I learned that my Dad shows his love by coming all the way to LaVerkin to see me, or by taking me golfing, or just watching me do things like wake boarding without letting me know he is watching.

On one of my home passes my Dad gave me a hair cut, clipping my hair, sideburns and even helping me shave.  I  never could imagine that we would get that close to do something like that together.  From tears to shears - I am so glad we have worked on our relationship.  I  believe that my Dad can be one of my best supporters when I go home.

NELSON C.

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Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
Filed under: STUDENTS